Monday, April 7, 2014

Top Ten: Reasons why you wish you were still in high school


1. Seeing your friends all day, every day

Now that you're a part of the working world you don't get to see your friends as much as you once did. You no longer know what you all had for lunch and you can’t laugh about the random comment that some kid made in your class. When you do catch up for the odd coffee or dinner, you find yourselves reminiscing about ‘the good ol’ days’ as if they were the best days of your lives.  






2. Teachers try to make learning interesting, tutors and lecturers do not

Let's learn about science by making paper mache volcanoes! Let's learn about English and its role in film by watching an animated movie! Let's go outside and enjoy the sunshine while painting different shades of green in our art folios! 

Now let’s go to uni for another 4 years and sit inside a lecture hall filled with another hundred or so students, all staring off into space. Some are reading magazines, others flicking through Facebook on their smartphones, but all are counting down the minutes when they can all rush out and attend a tutorial. This is where you all sit around and pretend to value other people’s thoughts and opinions about the lecture that you had just attended, but wasn't listening to. 





3. Because working Monday to Friday, 9-5.30 sucks

Nobody can say that they feel tired unless they have worked a 9-5.30 week. Sleep ins are rare now and you have started purchasing the ritual morning coffee just to be able to make it through the day. 






4. You get two food breaks during the day

You don’t really appreciate this systematic routine at all until you finish high school. You've been allocated two times of the day to relax from your studies to eat and you've been forced to do it for over a decade now, so when the time comes when you have to make your own big life decisions, it’s common for many to freak out at the prospect of being able to choose when you can and can’t eat.  






5. Canteen food

Remember going to school with a shiny gold two dollar coin bouncing around in your pocket and feeling like the Prince of Sheba? Rocking up to the front of the line like a boss and ordering a round of strawberry clouds and sour worms for all your friends? Now instead of delicious treats it’s a round of shots, and instead of $2 it’s more like $60 on a Saturday night.





6. Having to make new friends all over again

Let’s all be honest and say: who can be bothered. Unless you’re forced to be at uni every day with these people with the same class schedules, it’s safe to say that the motto of the uni student is “get in, do your time and get out.” 





7. That oral presentation or short story assignment doesn't seem so bad now

"Oh gee whizz, I have an oral presentation due on Friday about the green tree frog for SOSE." "I haven't even started my 500 word short creative story for English, I just can't think of anything interesting to write about." If only we knew what was to come... If I was given a creative story assignment in uni, I would have smashed it out of the ball park, because half the time you're day dreaming in lectures anyway. Give me an oral presentation about an interesting World War II battle over the complete workings and correct usage of the semi-colon any day.




8. When you're late for work, your mum can't write you a note

Remember the days where you would snooze your alarm clock and whilst gazing over your phone to hit snooze again you realise that it’s already 8:30am and you haven’t even had a shower yet? No worries, mum will write a note saying that she had to take you along to her dentist appointment and you’re good to go. One of the worst things about leaving high school, is that extra load of responsibility on your shoulder. This means knowing that when you’re gazing over the light of your smart phone going to hit snooze and realise you’re already late for work and you haven’t even had a shower yet, even your mum can’t save you.





9. Group assignments

Group assignments in high school just meant a joint effort between you and one of your friends to get the work done as quickly as possible so you can talk and mess around with the remainder of your time.

Group assignments in uni is when you are forced together because the letter of your last name follows one another in the alphabet. You become best friends with this person over the course of a four week period, meet up after your tutes, sit together in lectures and just as suddenly as the friendship started, and once the assignment is handed up, you never speak to them again. They become just another like on one of your Instagram photos. 











10. When you make a snide comment, or make fun of someone to get a laugh, instead of getting told off by the teacher you face a HR complaint

Otherwise known as bullying, making a bitchy comment towards another student just to make the class laugh would've copped you some time out or lunchtime detention. Now, you'd be forced through a HR case, sued for unlawful malpractice and fired.


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Thursday, April 3, 2014

Top Ten: Worst Kind of People

Now, Nazis and Satanists aside, this list compiles those retched people you and I may bump in to on a daily basis. Those small, but oh so significant, encounters with this elite class of human being will be enough to ruin anyone's day...


 1.Drivers that don't say thank you

This one is a no brainer. Humankind doesn't delve often in random acts of kindness, so when they do they deserve a slight wave of the hand. When we let you in, we're not asking for you to jot down our number plate, follow us to work, and drop off a bouquet of beautifully arranged flowers. We're asking for a half a second of your time to appreciate the 10 seconds we've just saved you sitting in traffic.


2. People who don't leave doors open for you 

Didn't take a second to hold the door open for the next person walking through? Congratulations! Someone you have never met, who knows nothing about your life, who hasn't seen what a decent human being you may well be, now thinks you're a total wanker. Look, I'm not expecting people to jump at the chance to open doors for me, but when I'm walking two steps behind, do me the honours.



3. Hipsters

A whole generation of grandpa jumper wearing, bicycling riding, triple J listening boys and girls who are all trying hard to be different. Agreeing with common belief is too mainstream and if a cool soft rock song hits the radio they will claim to have heard it two years ago.




4. The loud and obnoxious

Those people that you can hear coming from a mile away that don't lower their voice anything below 40 decibels. It's like they're convinced that the people in the next suburb over should hear their hilarious story or if they're not the loudest people in the room no one will be able to hear them.




5. Parents who don't control their kids in public areas

There's really nothing more that I love than to hear the sultry smooth sound of a screaming child within the height of their temper tantrum while I'm on my lunch break. Wrong. Not agreeing in child abuse in the slightest, but I fear the day that these brats are going to be the ones in charge of powerful decisions. I assume that these humans are the ones that grow up to be the drivers that don't say thank you.




6. People that let you know everything they're thinking via social media

Just ate dinner, was delicious #masterchef. What beautiful weather today might go for a run. Craving McDonalds but it isn't my cheat day #shredding. Look, believe it or not, the world of Facebook could actually go a day without hearing about what you ate, who you saw, how you communed to work, or the mark that you got on your uni assignment.




7. Those who squirt sauce all over their fries as opposed to a dipping pool on the side

One word: selfish. These are the people that don't want to share their food, as they well know that the more they make their food sticky, mushy and unappealing the less they will have to share around.




8. People who allow their child to kick the back of your seat on the plane 

You hate it when it happens to you so why don't you think it will affect my flight? Children on planes should have their own private section of the cabin, where they can kick each others seats and cry as much as their little hearts content.




9. Close-minded people

It's their warped middle age way of thinking or it's the highway. Those that you try to explain new age ideas like gay marriage, feminism or politics to and all information goes through one ear and out of the other. These people usually use the Bible, Wikipedia or A Current Affair as their factual resource, or some have no factual information whatsoever, just feelings and grudges.





10. People who don't say "bless you" when they're the only person who heard you sneeze

These people admittedly do fall behind those who don't accept the "bless you" because they're an atheist.