Trend Patrol: Mexican Desert

Trend Patrol: Denim and Lace

Trend Patrol: Imma Barbie Girl

Images: Style.com, Asos.com, Princesspolly.com, tibs and bones. 

Top Ten: What the world thinks about Australians

1. No, I do not ride kangaroos everywhere or have them as pets

Look, as much as I'd love to nod and say yes, I do have a pet joey named Skippy who use to hop me to school and play with me in my back yard, I can't I'm sorry. As a result of pesky foreign advertisers, the people of the world think that Australia is a vast red country where we are surrounded by bush land and live near a billabong with our tucker bags. They find it hard to grasp the idea that we like in cities, with buildings, and automobiles. 

2. Yes, I speak English, not Australian 

You laugh but this is a very common question, maybe even the most common. 

3. They're called prawns, not shrimps 

If you are Australian and you have travelled overseas you would have definitely heard the ol line "throw another shrimp on the barbie" and wanted to throttle Paul Hogan and the whole 1984 tourism Australia advertising team. Not only will you hear it, you will hear it again, and again, and again, and again. 

4. We don't drink Fosters 

And we haven't since the 1970's. Although overseas the brand is advertised as being true blue Aussie, the lager which was formally brewed by the Carlton United Beverages group, became vastly unpopular in aus throughout the early 2000s when the group decided to focus on promoting Carlton Draught and Victoria Bitter. 

5. I live somewhere other than Sydney

Yeah, and not Melbourne either. Get use to trying to explain to foreigners that Australia is actually a fairly large island, and it might help to have a go to map on your phone because you are going to be asked this a lot. 

6. We do have things that kill you, but I never come in contact with them

The funniest thing to do when you're in conversation with a foreigner about Australia is list the things that can kill you in Australia. Not only are you getting a few laughs, but you are doing your nation proud making sure that they are never going to want to immigrate to a place with this many things that can kill you. Mentioning things like the bird eating spider is my personal favourite, they don't need to know that it lives in far north East Queensland... 

7. I do not surf all the time 

Cheers Roxy and Billabong for making foreigners think we're all tanned with long blonde beach hair and wearing a bikini 72% of the time. You can imagine the shock they get when a pale faced, black haired girl tells them she's from Australia. "You're from Australia, why are you so white?" "You can't just ask someone why they're white..." 

8. Dingoes are not as common as foxes are to you

Never seen one, probably never will. Dingos are classified as a sub species of grey wolf and are on the verge of extinction, so no, they aren't running around our streets. 

9. I don't greet people with g'day 

I don't even think someone else under the age of 30 has ever greeted me with a "g'day". 

10. Koalas are actually vicious, not cuddly 

Oh koalas are so cute! They look so cuddly, soft and small and just hang about in the trees all day, getting high off of eucalyptus. False. Firstly, they're big fuckers, some grow up to 15kgs big. Secondly, if they get agitated they have sharp claws and teeth to defend themselves with, which is why carers always use protective gear to handle them. Thirdly, chlamydia. Yes, some experts say that up to 90% of Australia's koala population have contracted the disease from unprotected sex (although I'm not sure where they expect the little guys to find a condom). Sharing these koala facts with foreigners is fun because you can see them die a little inside when they realise the animal they once had known and loved is actually a fat and incredibly violent little slut. 

Top Ten: Things Betty White is Older Than

Currently holding the Guinness World Record for having the longest TV career, Betty White has developed a reputation for being everyone's favourite on screen gran. From beginning with her infamous role on the Golden Girls to singing Lil John's classic "Get Low" in The Proposal, Betty has won over the hearts of the world over. One thing that doesn't cross our minds though is how old she really is. Born January 17, 1922 Betty White is surprisingly older than a lot of everyday items...

1. Penicillin 1928

2. Photocopiers 1937

3. Ballpoint pens 1938

4. Sunglasses 1929

5. Television 1925

6. Bubble gum 1928

7. PEZ candy 1927

8. Cheeseburger 1924 

9. LSD 1938

10. Monopoly 1933

Top Ten: Phone calls you don't want to answer

1. Gym
If you're thinking about putting my number down because you need 10 numbers to win a free drink bottle, let me know first because I'll buy you two drink bottles just to keep Goodlife off of my ass. These guys obviously work off of commission with a shit base rate because they DO NOT let up. You have to convince them that you're moving overseas in the hope that the made up country you mention doesn't have a Goodlife branch there. 
 

2. Bank
Has recent activity put your credit card over its limit? Please check via internet banking or call your local branch if this is a mistake... Nope, no mistake, I was well aware that buying a can of tuna and crackers from Coles for dinner would bring me over my limit. You're gonna have to wait until pay for your $4.38.
 

3. Phone companies
Never have I ever receieved a phone call from a telco that I wanted. Whether it's that you haven't paid your bill on time, or they're calling you to tell you about a special offer that they're specifically offering to you, chances are you never want to hear it. 
 

4. Private numbers
I just can't commit to picking up a private number. Who knows who's on the other end of that line, it might be good news, it might be bad. It might be someone telling you that you've won $1000, or it might be a distant relative telling you that your great Aunt has passed on. Whatever it is, I don't like those surprises. 
 

5. Boss
Especially when you're a casual. Nothing like going to bed late at night watching a whole series of Breaking Bad and knowing that it doesn't matter because you have the day off in the morning, only to receive a phone call at 7:48am saying you have to come in for a 9am start.
 

6. Sibling
When you're curled up on the couch in your pyjamas and you get a call from your sibling it only means one thing. They want something. It's either to pick them up on the other side of town, or to put their uniform in the washing machine to be fresh for the next day. Whatever it is though, it's gonna mean getting up off of the comfy couch.
 

7. Your ex
For starters, what's there to talk about? This is the moment in every post relationship when you have to keep reminding yourself of all the reasons why you broke up in the first place. 
 

8. THAT friend 
Everyone has that friend that even if you say 'bye' twelve times, they still manage to keep you on the phone for an extra 20 minutes every time.
 

9. Customer
It's very rare, if not un heard of, that a customer will call you to say what a fantastic job you're doing. Very rare. When you pick up the phone at work it's nearly always a complaint.
 

10. Phone interview
Whenever a prospective employer calls you, even if you says it's a good time, it's never a good time. Whether you're in the middle of the freeway or in the middle of making dinner, they always catch you at the least opportune moment and when you're caught out like that all of your people skills and abilities to talk yourself up completely go out the window and you end up sounding a bit special. 

Top Ten: Reasons why you wish you were still in high school

1. Seeing your friends all day, every day

Now that you're a part of the working world you don't get to see your friends as much as you once did. You no longer know what you all had for lunch and you can’t laugh about the random comment that some kid made in your class. When you do catch up for the odd coffee or dinner, you find yourselves reminiscing about ‘the good ol’ days’ as if they were the best days of your lives.  

2. Teachers try to make learning interesting, tutors and lecturers do not

Let's learn about science by making paper mache volcanoes! Let's learn about English and its role in film by watching an animated movie! Let's go outside and enjoy the sunshine while painting different shades of green in our art folios! 

Now let’s go to uni for another 4 years and sit inside a lecture hall filled with another hundred or so students, all staring off into space. Some are reading magazines, others flicking through Facebook on their smartphones, but all are counting down the minutes when they can all rush out and attend a tutorial. This is where you all sit around and pretend to value other people’s thoughts and opinions about the lecture that you had just attended, but wasn't listening to. 

3. Because working Monday to Friday, 9-5.30 sucks

Nobody can say that they feel tired unless they have worked a 9-5.30 week. Sleep ins are rare now and you have started purchasing the ritual morning coffee just to be able to make it through the day. 

4. You get two food breaks during the day

You don’t really appreciate this systematic routine at all until you finish high school. You've been allocated two times of the day to relax from your studies to eat and you've been forced to do it for over a decade now, so when the time comes when you have to make your own big life decisions, it’s common for many to freak out at the prospect of being able to choose when you can and can’t eat.  

5. Canteen food

Remember going to school with a shiny gold two dollar coin bouncing around in your pocket and feeling like the Prince of Sheba? Rocking up to the front of the line like a boss and ordering a round of strawberry clouds and sour worms for all your friends? Now instead of delicious treats it’s a round of shots, and instead of $2 it’s more like $60 on a Saturday night.

6. Having to make new friends all over again

Let’s all be honest and say: who can be bothered. Unless you’re forced to be at uni every day with these people with the same class schedules, it’s safe to say that the motto of the uni student is “get in, do your time and get out.” 

7. That oral presentation or short story assignment doesn't seem so bad now

"Oh gee whizz, I have an oral presentation due on Friday about the green tree frog for SOSE." "I haven't even started my 500 word short creative story for English, I just can't think of anything interesting to write about." If only we knew what was to come... If I was given a creative story assignment in uni, I would have smashed it out of the ball park, because half the time you're day dreaming in lectures anyway. Give me an oral presentation about an interesting World War II battle over the complete workings and correct usage of the semi-colon any day.

8. When you're late for work, your mum can't write you a note

Remember the days where you would snooze your alarm clock and whilst gazing over your phone to hit snooze again you realise that it’s already 8:30am and you haven’t even had a shower yet? No worries, mum will write a note saying that she had to take you along to her dentist appointment and you’re good to go. One of the worst things about leaving high school, is that extra load of responsibility on your shoulder. This means knowing that when you’re gazing over the light of your smart phone going to hit snooze and realise you’re already late for work and you haven’t even had a shower yet, even your mum can’t save you.

9. Group assignments

Group assignments in high school just meant a joint effort between you and one of your friends to get the work done as quickly as possible so you can talk and mess around with the remainder of your time.

Group assignments in uni is when you are forced together because the letter of your last name follows one another in the alphabet. You become best friends with this person over the course of a four week period, meet up after your tutes, sit together in lectures and just as suddenly as the friendship started, and once the assignment is handed up, you never speak to them again. They become just another like on one of your Instagram photos. 

10. When you make a snide comment, or make fun of someone to get a laugh, instead of getting told off by the teacher you face a HR complaint

Otherwise known as bullying, making a bitchy comment towards another student just to make the class laugh would've copped you some time out or lunchtime detention. Now, you'd be forced through a HR case, sued for unlawful malpractice and fired.


<a href="http://www.bloglovin.com/blog/12072977/?claim=wuuwm2rqxfa">Follow my blog with Bloglovin</a>